


Hide and Seek

by newd_japan



Category: All Elite Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Crush, Defense Mechanisms, First Kiss, Games, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Phone Calls, Relationship Discussions, Self Isolation, Shota is Big Confused about his feelings, checking on each other, lonely, long distance, more kissing, previous relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24638338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newd_japan/pseuds/newd_japan
Summary: Shota slowly realizes he has a crush on his best friend, who is hiding a lot more than it seems
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Umino Shota
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in first person before so tell me your thoughts guys!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mox and Shota are lonely after so long apart

The calls started out slowly. Mox wanted me to get something he’d left in the dojo, wanted to get Red Shoes’s phone number, wanted to give some advice about a recent match, wanted a soba recipe. I was happy to oblige and glad to hear from my mentor, but the calls started to get a little more unreasonable.  
_ring_ “Shooter I forgot my twitter password, do you remember what it was? Does this mean I have to make a whole new one?”  
“I don’t know your twitter password. Just click “forgot password.” It will send you an email.”  
“Oh. Thanks.” _click_  
_ring_ “Shooter do you still have that jacket I gave you?”  
“Yes! I will keep it forever!”  
“Good.” _click_  
_ring_ “Shooter make sure you’re staying hydrated.”  
“Ok.”  
“You’re drinking water?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good, good, ok keep doing that.” _click_  
_ring_ “Shooter how do you tell if cantaloupes are ripe?”  
“What is a . . . cantaloupe?” I was suddenly self-conscious about my bad English. It was so much harder to understand over the phone without visual cues and hand motions and such. Was this something I should know?  
“It’s um like a melon, a fruit. It’s green and stuff.”  
“I don’t know how to tell. Google?”  
“I uh. Left my phone at home.”  
“You are calling me, Moxley-san.”  
“Just Mox.”  
_silence_  
“Is everything ok Mox?”  
“I’m lonely, Shota, I’m lonely.”  
Then why did he call me of all people? Didn’t he have closer friends to keep him company? And how come, if he was lonely, did he always hang up so fast? “You call me so much because you’re lonely? I am still drinking water I promise!”  
“Look I never talked long because I felt stupid.” Mox sounded genuinely sheepish.  
“But I like talking to you!” It was true, I often wished he’d stay on the phone longer. I was lonely too.  
“Yeah but I’m not supposed to be lonely I’m supposed to be manly and independant or whatever.” I didn’t know what he was talking about, I certainly found him very manly.  
“You are strong. You protect me. I need you, but why do you need me? Can’t you talk to someone else?”  
“Damn ok. I guess if you don’t wanna talk.”  
His defensive toned frightened me. “Wait wait no I didn’t mean that! But am I really worth your time? Someone like you?” He was so tough and strong and handsome, and I was not much more than a kid.  
“Fuck man I’m no better than you are. Of course you’re worth my time. Whoever makes me happier has gotta be worth my time right?”  
“If you say so.”  
_silence_  
This was getting uncomfortable. As much as we liked hanging out together, we never had much to talk about, and talk was all you could do on the phone. I missed the fooling around, the play fighting, making silly faces, the hugs. It was partly because of the language barrier but it was also just the way he seemed to show affection. Getting a hug from Mox was better than anything that could have been put into words. I finally broke the silence. “I think the better canta- whatever fruits are heavier.”  
On the end, Mox guffawed into the phone. “I don’t even like cantaloupes, man.”  
“Oh.” Now I felt stupid. “Sorry.”  
“Don’t apologize, I was the one who asked about em.” Mox sighed. “I just wanted an excuse to call you I guess.” I figured at this point he must actually want to talk to me, even if I couldn’t fathom why.  
“You are in the grocery? That was not a lie too?”  
“Yeah I wanted a snickers bar.” He came to the grocery just to get a snickers bar. How like him to do whatever he wanted with no concept of common sense.  
“You don’t need other food? Just snickers? You are sure?” I hoped he was eating healthy still. It seemed I often shamed him into eating better when we ate together because I would always be eating something healthier than him. I know he’s a grown man and can take care of himself, but I still wanted to look out for him.  
“Uhh maybe I’ll get some . . . apples. And some chicken for dinner.”  
“That’s good.” I knew I’d never get Mox into a conversation without humor so I added “I’m proud of you big boy.” I was relieved to hear him laughing on the other end. I never knew if my jokes were going too far. I should have extra respect for him since until recently I was a young lion, and he was still older than me.  
“I’m proud of you too Shooter. Your English is getting a lot better since you’ve been in England.”  
I beamed at his praise. I’d been working extra hard on my English so the two of us could talk better. “Thank you! I hope my wrestling is getting better too.”  
“Of course it is! You work so hard I can’t wait to work together when we can both go back to Japan.”  
“And play together?” I wasn’t quite sure if play was the right word, but it was the opposite of work, so it should get the idea across. When I heard Mox laughing I burned with embarrassment. I was always afraid of messing up with him because of my bad English. With most people I could laugh it off and forgive myself, but he was so important to me I didn’t want to have a misunderstanding. I wanted to impress him too, to show I’d been working hard and improving. Whenever I learned a new English word or phrase I thought of showing it off to him and imagined him being proud of me.  
“Sure, I’ll take you to the playground, little Shooter.”  
“Playground? Where there are slides and things?”  
“Yeah. I haven’t been to a playground in ages, I’d probably scare all the kids.” I imagined Mox at a playground, a big intense man swinging and doing monkey bars. It was quite an image, enough to relieve my earlier self critiquing and burst out laughing. The funniest thing was that Mox would probably love playing on a playground.  
“Please actually? Can we go to a playground?” I was still laughing, partly at the scene in my head, and partly so that if Mox thought that was a stupid idea I could say I was joking.  
“Yes! Man I miss bein a kid. I wanna go hang out at the playground with my buddy again.”  
“And I’m your buddy?”  
“Yeah, my pal. My friend. Ya know.” Oh right.  
“I’m excited now to go to the playground.”  
“Me too. Pick out a good playground to go to ok? Your favourite from when you were little. I wanna go to the best playground in Japan, as selected by Shota Umino.” That made me laugh again. I always seemed to end up laughing so much when he was around. Sometimes we’d be hanging out in the dojo and Yota would keep asking us what was so funny, but it would never be a joke we could explain, and so we’d just start laughing again. Then Yota would usually walk away disdainfully probably to have what he thought was a more civilized conversation with Tanahashi.  
“I’ll think hard and pick well.”  
“That’s a good lad.” I smiled involuntarily, I loved when he called me that. “I’ve got to check out now. Man I don’t wanna hang up, I haven’t seen you in ages.” My smile grew.  
“Say it’s someone important. Like a big business partner. Can’t hang up.”  
“Would that be a lie?”  
I smirked, and I knew Mox had the same mischievous look on his face. “No.”  
I heard him talking to the cashier. “Hey.” “No I have my own bag. Cuz using a cloth bag is good for the environment right Shota?”  
I could tell he was trying to start a conversation again so as not to look weird in front of the cashier. “Yes! Good job helping the trees.”  
“Yeah I like trees. Good for climbing. Also good for hiding in when you don’t wanna come inside for dinner. Or when you want to make out with your girlfriend.” I blushed at the thought of Mox hidden in a curtain of leaves kissing someone. How peaceful it would be in the soft green afternoon light . . . I startled out of it at an aggressive “No!” from the other end. “Sorry. No uh, it’s . . . just a friend.”  
Was he talking about me? “What did they say?”  
“She asked if I was talking to my girlfriend now.”  
I felt like I should laugh again, but I just blushed harder. I forced out a laugh but it sounded strained and stupid. I tried desperately to find something to say to cover up my awkwardness. “I would be such an ugly girlfriend!” What an odd thing to say, I wasn’t even a girl. “You deserve a girlfriend who . . .” I went back to the idea I had of Mox in the tree to see what sort of girl I had imagined, but there was nothing there. Just the sensation of what it would be like to be kissed by him. What was I thinking? Did I want that? No, that couldn’t be and even if I did . . . Best to just forget about it. “Uh you deserve a pretty blonde girl.” I finished, having suddenly recalled what I was talking about and haphazardly filled something before the pause started to feel off.  
“You’re not so bad looking Shooter. You have good hair to hold on to during a kiss.”  
I wished he would have just called me ugly. As it was, I was ready to melt into the floor of embarrassment and confusion about the tingly feeling the thought of his hands in my hair gave me. It was a good thing he couldn’t see me. “Th- thanks Mox. Uh.” I should give him a compliment in return, but my brain was a mess. “You have, uh, nice eyes.”  
“Ah everyone says that. I don’t know what’s so special.” Oops. I guess I hadn’t been very original. I’d have to come up with a better compliment next time.  
“They always are like different colors.” That didn’t make any sense and just sounded stereotypical and sappy.  
“Ok thank you,” Mox said coolly. Why was he being so curt, had I said something weird? “No receipt, thanks.” Oh. He wasn’t talking to me. I face palmed internally. I wasn’t good at this talking on the phone. At least we could still talk in some fashion.  
“Now I’ve gotta find my damn car in this parking lot. I hate doing errands.”  
“What do you like doing?”  
“Working. Eating. Talking to you. Don’t take a lot to keep me happy.”  
“I’ll do your shopping when we are in Japan again.”  
“Eh that’s alright. But it’d be nice to have company.” I heard a beep and figured he must have reached his car.  
“Mox, you will have to hang up to drive home.”  
“Fuck do I have to?”  
“Mox, it’s not safe. I don’t want you to crash.”  
_silence_  
“But if you are still lonely when you get home you can call me again. Maybe with video so I can see your eyes that everyone likes.” And so I could see his facial expressions, his casual smiles and carefree laughs. So it could be a little more like we were there together.  
“I think I will. See you soon Shooter." _click_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There WILL be another one where they go to the playground


	2. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shota takes Mox to his favorite playground, where he realizes some things about their relationship

I must admit I was nervous to see Moxley after so long apart. Would it still be as easy between us as it was before? Would he still care about me just as much? Would he be proud of how much I’d learned? I’d done as we planned and picked out my favorite playground to meet him at. I still lived in the same area of Tokyo where I grew up, and this was the playground where I’d gone when I was little.

I got there before Moxley arrived, but I did see a little boy I knew from the neighborhood. I was friends with his dad, and played with him sometimes. I guess it had been too much to hope for the playground to ourselves. “Hello, Hiro-kun!” I called out to the boy. 

“Umino-san! Can we play hide and seek today?” Little Hiro and I knew each other well, and hide and seek was his favorite game to play with me. 

I scooped the boy up onto my shoulders. “One of my friends is coming to the park today,” I told him. As much as I liked Hiro, I didn’t want him interrupting my time with Mox. Maybe if I gave him enough attention now, he’d leave us alone later.

“Will he play hide and seek with us?” Youth would not be so easily deterred. 

“My friend’s name is Jon Moxley. He’s from the United States. He doesn’t speak Japanese,” I explained.

“That’s ok! He can still play hide and seek!”

I sighed. Mox did say he missed being a child, but I didn’t think that meant he would want to play hide and seek with a little kid. “I’ll ask him if he wants to play when he gets here.” Hopefully that would satisfy Hiro.

“Does he give as good of piggyback rides as you do?” my young friend asked, leaning his head down from his perch on my shoulders.

I laughed a little, remembering the times Mox had carried me around the dojo on his back until one of the other men called me away to my young lion duties. He had even carried me bridal style one time. I recall having squealed a bit embarrassingly.

I felt a buzz in my pocket, and put the boy down to answer it. It was Mox.  _ I got lost. I can’t figure out the google maps _ I looked around for a landmark that might help him. Wait wasn’t that his car in the parking lot?

_ Are you in a parking lot _ I texted back.

_ Yeah, there’s a big tree and a shopping mall next to me _ So it was him in the parking lot. He always had trouble with technology, but it was usually more endearing than inconvenient.

_ Your here silly _

A minute later I watched a large foreign man get out of his car. “Is that your friend?” Hiro asked, sounding a little scared. “He looks really strong.”

“He is!” I caught myself smiling a little goofily, as I watched the man I hadn’t seen in a year. His arms looked even more muscular than they had when we’d said goodbye. He hadn’t noticed me yet and was still looking around, a little confused. He did look kind of scary. “But he won’t hurt us, don’t worry,” I assured Hiro.

I was beginning to wonder if I should call out, when Mox locked eyes with me. A huge smile broke out on his face, and my cheeks crinkled to match as he ran toward me. “Shooter!!” His voice boomed across the playground. “I’ve missed you so much!” It was so good to hear that voice in person again; I’d missed him too. I hurried to meet him, and when I did he pulled me into a bear hug and whirled me around. I buried my suddenly heated face in his shoulder as my feet lifted off the ground. 

As he set me back on the ground, my long separated friend gave me a rough but endearing slap on the back, then settled his arm over my shoulders. “You’ve gotten harder to pick up, have you been working out Shooter?” Mox asked with a squeeze to my tricep. 

He’d noticed! I had been working on getting stronger on excursion. I just smiled at him, so happy to be able to hug and mess around together again. 

“So this is the best playground in Japan, huh?” Mox asked, looking around as we walked toward it as if evaluating it. 

“I came here since I was a young boy,” I told him. “A boy from this area is here today. I told him my friend was coming and he said he wants you to play . . . how do you say the game where everyone hides and one person looks for them?”

“Oh hide and seek! Love that game!” Mox sounded genuinely overjoyed at the prospect. “Used to play it all the time . . . man I haven’t played hide and seek since I was like ten.”

When we reached the playground, Hiro was waiting for us. “You must be really good friends!” he said to me as we approached. I ducked my head, self conscious now about how exuberantly we’d greeted each other.

“Mox, this is Hiro-kun, who wants to play hide and seek,” I said in English. And then to Hiro I explained in Japanese, “This is my friend Moxley-san-”

“Just Mox,” he interrupted, realizing what I was saying.

“Ok, he says you can just call him Mox. He doesn’t like formalities. But I think he’ll play hide and seek with us.” I confirmed with Mox in English that he wanted to play hide and seek. I hadn’t expected to have to be translator all day, this might get tiring quickly. But at least I was spending time with my favorite person, even if it was interrupted by my young friend.

“Um.” Hiro was pulling on my shirt again. Was he going to be bothering us all day? “You said Mox gives good piggyback rides. Do you think he will give me one?” Hiro had prepared his best little boy puppy dog eyes, probably anticipating my annoyance. 

“Mox . . .” I didn’t want to ask these silly things of him. But I guess he’d wanted to play like a child again. “I, uh, told him you give good piggyback rides. Now he wants one.”

Mox guffawed in his usual expansive way. “You’d know, I’ve got yelled at plenty of times for running around the dojo with you on my back.” Mox got a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that I knew well. “I have an idea.” Mox’s ideas were usually a lot of fun or a lot of trouble or both. “Shooter, you can pick up Hiro on your back right?” I instructed the boy to climb up again, explaining that my friend had an  _ idea. _ “Now you get on my back and I’ll carry you both around!” Mox looked very pleased with himself for this idea. I was pleased too, I would not be left out of a Mox piggyback ride.

I explained to Hiro what the plan was and his eyes grew wide. “He’s going to carry BOTH of us?”

“You’re small, it won’t be much different from just carrying me.”

“I’m not that small!” the boy complained.

“Moxley is also very strong. It’ll be easy for him.” It always amazed me how easily the man could pick me up when we were fooling around, and how easily he could lift an opponent in the ring for a damaging move. 

Mox bent down for me to get on his back and I hooked my arms and legs tightly around him, knowing he could play a little rough and I should be careful of falling off. “Ready?” he checked, resting his hands on my forearms which were squeezing his chest. His hands were still so large even compared to my stronger-than-before arms. The rugged callused texture of his hands was familiar, grounding, and masculine in a way that both made me feel safe made my heart beat faster. There were so many things about him I hadn’t even realized I’d missed.

“Ready!” I shouted as he took off almost immediately, sprinting widely around the playground. I heard Hiro laughing on my back, and realized I was laughing too, purely and gleefully as a child. “WHEEEEEEE” Hiro screamed with abandon, and soon I was shouting along with him, whooping and laughing until my cheeks hurt.

When we’d completed a zigzagging circle around the playground back to where we’d begun, Mox stopped to catch his breath. “Again! Again!” Hiro begged. 

“No he’s tired Hiro-kun,” I admonished, although I would have been happy to go around again myself. 

“What are you two saying up there?” our ride inquired.

“Hiro wants to go again, but I don’t want to wear you out,” I translated.

“Aw don’t do me dirty like that Shooter, I’m not tired yet! But do you want to go again?”

After a moment I admitted “yes.” Mox just turned his head to give me a cheeky smile before pelting across the mulch again. 

When we came to a stop again, I slipped off and set Hiro down. Mox was breathing hard, but smiling so purely. He looked kind of cute when he smiled like that. I wouldn’t ever say that to his face, knowing the tough and intimidating aura he tried to project. But I’d seen the person he used to be. He used to act cute like this a lot more, the way he only acted now when we were alone together, and even then, rarely. I wondered what he might have lost in making himself into a new person. I knew he’d been betrayed before, but I would never betray my master. Maybe if he realized that he wouldn’t be afraid to be vulnerable again with me.

Hiro interrupted my thoughts. “Hide and seek now? Can I hide first?”

“Yes that’s fine Hiro-kun,” I said, still not taking my eyes off Mox or my mind all the way out of its wandering. “Mox, do you want to hide or seek?”

Moxley surveyed the playground, probably for hiding places. “Uh. I think I should seek first, I didn’t consider how much easier this game was when I was ten year old sized.” We both grinned at the joke and the silliness of playing such a childish game as adults. I explained to Hiro what was happening, and Mox went to stand by the tree and count.

I looked around the playground for a place to hide. I wondered which one of us Mox would look for first. I hoped it would be me, so we could be alone just a little bit while we looked for Hiro. If I hid somewhere easy to find he would find me first. But that wouldn’t be very in the spirit of the game, and he actually seemed excited to play. I watched my long missed friend, admiring the strength of his back and arms. His shirt somewhat hid the lines of his back muscles, but having seen him without his shirt so much made it easy for me to make them out from the way the fabric hung over his broad shoulders. And it was so nice to hear his voice again, the phone took away a lot of the deep sureness in that voice. Wait was he on ten already? What was he counting to? “Mox are your eyes closed?”

“You think I’m cheating?”

“No.” I slid around to the other side of the tree, peeking out to watch his face. His hair had gotten long, and was hanging a bit in his face. I longed to brush his bangs aside, but that would give me away. 

“Eighteen . . .” Oh crap he must be counting to twenty. I ducked back behind the tree just before he called out “ready or not, here I come!” Wait that wasn’t how we played in Japan, you were supposed to ask if everyone was ready. Oh well, Mox would always do things his own way and you could never really be prepared for him. I watched stealthily from behind the tree as Moxley roamed the playground. He did look a little out of place on the equipment meant for children, but he was just as gleeful as a little boy, stopping in his search to do the monkey bars (he had to hold his knees to his chest so his feet wouldn’t touch the ground), and to go down the slide (I heard him curse softly as he got a bit stuck).

He found Hiro first, hiding under some stairs. I guess my spy hideout was more hard to find than I’d thought. Mox put Hiro up on his shoulders again to look for me, and I felt a hint of jealousy. This was supposed to be our day. Mox was coming closer . . . I knew I could always get his attention with silliness, so as he neared the tree I pulled the back of my shirt over my head and jumped out. “BOO!” I waved my arms around like a monster. I felt really stupid but the deep laugh from Mox was reward enough.

“Why are you being so silly Umino-san?” Hiro asked giggling. 

“I uh-- I thought it was funny.” Why was embarrassed what a little kid thought of me? “I still got found last. But you can seek next, Hiro-kun.” That would give me some time alone with the person I’d come to see.

“Do I have to hide now?” Mox asked credulously, letting Hiro down. 

“Yep! Let’s hide together!” I dragged him by the hand towards the playground as Hiro went to the tree to count. As we looked for hiding spots, I expected Moxley to drop my hand but he kept his grip just as firm and I wouldn’t let go if he didn’t. My hand was so small compared to his. I ran my thumb over his knuckles, wanting to do the same to the calluses I knew where on his palm. 

“So where do you usually hide here?”

“Huh?” I had momentarily forgotten about the game. “Oh! I like to hide in the slide. But I saw you get stuck in there a few minutes ago,” I teased. 

“I told you I’m too big for this game,” Mox muttered.

I wanted to hide together though. Wouldn’t it be more fun? “I think we can both fit in the big tunnel slide!” 

Mox, taking the game adorably seriously, hushed me. “We can’t let him hear our plans.”

We stopped at the top of the slide. “You go first and stop in the middle and then I’ll come next,” I advised.

“Stopping shouldn’t be too hard,” Mox joked, swinging his legs into the slide. 

I followed him down, crumpling up against his back in the tight quarters. The slide was dim, hot, and cramped, but we fit relatively comfortably for a slide. Waiting for Hiro to find us, I rearranged my legs clumsily so I was sitting on my knees and wrapped my arms around Mox’s neck, resting my chin on his shoulder. 

“I really missed you,” I murmured. He reached a hand around to hold my head and I nuzzled back into his palm. He could be so gentle, but it was so rare that he was. My earlier ponderings about Mox’s self reinvention came back to me. “You can be yourself with me Mox.” His fingers clenched in my hair a little painfully hinting that I’d touched on something. “I know you want everyone to see you can do everything by yourself.” I spoke slowly, cautiously, checking the meaning of each word before I voiced it. “But I’m not . . . going anywhere. It won’t be like . . . last time.” I didn’t want to assume anything about his previous situation, not having known him then. Ouch my hair! But I had to tell him what I was thinking. “I already know you’re strong. And when you’re a little more . . . soft?” That definitely wasn’t the right word, but pressing on! “I think it’s-”

“Found you!!” 

Dammit.

I nearly hit my head on the roof of the slide at Hiro’s cheerful voice from the opening. Mox released his death grip on my hair and gave me an unreadable look before pushing himself the rest of the way down the slide. “Your turn, your turn Umino-san!” Hiro urged.

“I think I know where I’m gonna hide this time. One of my favorite hiding spots.” Mox was looking at me like this was some sort of inside joke I should get, but I just stared at him blankly not understanding. He didn’t clarify so I shrugged off my confusion and took up my position at the counting tree.

Eyes closed against the tree bark, I tried to analyze Moxley’s response to my honesty. What had made him so tense? I knew it was a delicate topic, but he wasn’t mad at me, was he? I couldn’t make him mad on his first day back in Japan; I shouldn’t have brought it up. And what had that look meant right after we’d been interrupted? ‘We’ll talk about this later’? ‘Don’t bring it up’? ‘Thanks for saying that’? It could have been anything. And why did he seem to think I would know what his favorite hiding spot would be?

I heard a grunt and a russell above me. He must be climbing the tree. He had to know I’d hear him. Maybe he wanted me to? I tried to think when he had mentioned hiding in a tree before. Well there had been that one time on the phone . . . when he’d said- No don’t think about that! I’d imagined that enough times since we’d been apart. Why would Mox remember that conversation though? When he’d talked about wanting to hold my hair . . . Like he’d just been doing a few minutes ago. Did he want-? No no no no no. Don’t think about that. But the image had already invaded my mind of his face so close to mine and the heat of his mouth and my hand on his cheek. My chest had gone all fluttery and I realized I’d stopped counting. 

“Ready?” I stuttered figuring it had been long enough. I heard Hiro’s high pitched confirmation, but I wasn’t going looking for him just yet. 

I shimmied up the tree, probably nowhere near as skillfully as Mox had done, but I made it up. I could see one of his shoes hanging out of the leaves. “Mox?” I called a little more softly than I’d intended. 

“Come up here and sit, there’s a nice big branch,” he offered.

Considering his early investment in the hide and seek, I was surprised. “But what about-”

“Don’t worry about it, come sit with me like 2 seconds.” I positioned myself on the branch, a little farther than I might have, still trying to block out the images in my mind. We were just friends, just friends, I reminded myself.

“You can come closer, I thought you weren’t scared of me anymore eh?” Well I couldn’t deny him if he asked . . . I edged closer and so did he, so our thighs were touching. He wasn’t really helping me with this issue, was he. “Now what were you gonna say earlier? About what you think about when I’m, uh, ‘soft’ I think you said.”

“What?” I said like a moron.

“You said ‘I think it’s’ and then we got found. You think it’s what?” Oh no. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but it had definitely been a bit more flirty than a friend should be. “Come on now,” Mox urged. “You’re very pretty when you blush like that, but I do wanna know what you were thinking too.” 

Oh he really wasn’t gonna make this easy was he. And his hand was in my hair again, oh no oh no. I was pretty sure my brain was no longer connected to my mouth as I squeeked “I think it’s cute.” Mox gave me a strangely determined look, his fingers fidgeting against my scalp, jerking my head roughly forward- Oh!

His breath was just as hot and exciting as I’d fantasized and the decisive pressure of his lips sent shivers up and down my spine. Instinctively, I pressed into the contact, seeking more, but he pulled away after only a few heartbeats.

“Oh fuck. I should not have done that. FUCK.” I sat helpless and dumbfounded as the man who’d just kissed me crashed through the tree branches and out of sight. I really had messed things up on his very first day back. I leaned back against the tree trunk and scrunched my face against the threat of tears. No crying, I told myself. Crying is stupid. Stop crying over your stupid crush. Oh dear I really did have a crush on him didn’t I. And bad. 

As I heard the sound of a car door, and the engine starting then fading into the distance as Moxley drove away, I couldn’t keep myself from whimpering pathetically over the mess I’d caused. I’d wanted to have the Mox I knew was hidden inside the man I’d come to know, but the way things looked it didn’t seem like I was going to get to have him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next and final edition our heroes will have to talk about their feelings like big boys


	3. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mox and Shota finally have a Serious Conversation about their Feelings

All of my friends were caught up in the excitement of my return from excursion, and I tried to mirror their feelings, but I was having trouble focusing. There was someone I couldn’t stop thinking about. The someone I’d been the most excited to see when I returned, who I most wanted to be proud of me, who I was just beginning to understand my feelings for. I lay awake at night wondering if he would ever talk to me again and what I should say to convince him to, playing out conversation after conversation where I said just the right thing to restore our relationship. I could promise to never mention the kiss or his former self and we could be friends just like before. No, I couldn’t settle for not knowing that gentler side of him, and I had to admit I could hardly settle for being just friends either. I could buy him some flowers and put a note in them and have it delivered to him. No, he would probably find such a sappy gesture stupid. I could get Ren to talk to him first in case he refused to talk to me. No he wasn’t even friends with Ren, and he might think it was weak to not handle things myself. 

I checked the clock. It was about one in the morning. I needed to do something about this, I was falling apart. Sleep deprived, with no plan in mind, I made my way to Mox’s room. Of course I knew which one it was, my mind was too occupied with him not to notice. I leaned my forehead on the door a minute collecting myself, telling myself I had to do this, there was no going back now. I knocked.

A sleepy voice. “Go away.” 

I considered doing just that but now that I’d made up my mind I had to go through with this. “It’s Shota.”

A resigned “Oh.” There was some ruffling of sheets and clothes and then “I guess you better come in.” 

A few seconds later the door opened to reveal Mox, disheveled and wearing only his underwear. There was a much longer than awkward pause before he stepped aside to let me in. He sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot beside him. Once I sat, he asked “Can I go first please?” I just looked at him, too full of nervous energy to quite catch his meaning or to reply.

Eventually he accepted that as a yes and started into what sounded like a prewritten speech. “I’m sorry for what I did. I know I need to keep better control of my emotions and not push people’s boundaries. 

“Mox,” I interrupted, trying to catch his downcast eyes.

“Usually that’s controlling my anger but I need to control my . . . other feelings too. I shouldn’t have-”

“Mox, I liked it.”

“-I shouldn’t have kissed you and I understand if-” He finally looked up at me. “Wait what?”

“I liked it that you kissed me.” I put a hand on his shoulder to emphasize my point. He still looked totally shocked. This seemed to be a possibility he had not planned for at all. In the absence of his seemingly unshakeable confidence, I made a bold move. “Could we do it again?” I moved my hand to his cheek, feeling a little like I was dreaming, like this was just another scenario in my head. 

Mox rested his hand on the back of my head as I moved closer, giving me permission. I kissed him softly, wanting to really feel it this time, to experience as much as I could. Mox was hardly leaning into the kiss at all and it felt a little strange to be in control for once, to explore what it was like to be together rather than being whisked away on his roller coaster. I broke away for a moment, but the heat of his breath on my lips called my back. I pushed our lips together a little more insistently, resting a hand on his chest to balance myself. He seemed to have regained his wits and was kissing back, but not in the same way he had at the park. This kiss was gentle and pliable, letting me lead. I leaned in farther, pushing him back until he was lying beneath me. It was exhilarating to give in to even a little bit of my desire. To acknowledge it and not be afraid of it. “Mox,” I whispered, letting my feelings for him seep into the sounds of his name, letting them spread over my face into a wide smile. 

He was smiling too, in the way I recognized meant he was about to laugh. “How long have you been wanting to do that?”

At first I wanted to say just since he kissed me at the park, but I knew it was at least since that phone call at the grocery store and probably longer than that, as long as . . . “Since the first time I saw you.” It was embarrassing to have fallen for him so easily but it was true, I’d been denying what I wanted for a long time.

Now he did laugh. “And I thought it was just me this whole time!”

“Wait you wanted? This whole time? Why did you not say!” 

Mox pushed up onto his elbows and I sat up to give him room. “I didn’t want to pressure you. You know, you being a young lion and all I didn’t want you to feel like you had to be with me cuz I was older or something.”

I shook my head, laughing a little at how I had been thinking in exactly the opposite way. “I thought to say something would be . . .” These were times I wished I could explain in Japanese instead. My English was good enough to get around, but not to have deep discussions about my feelings. “Too brave? Too proud? As the younger one I should let you make decisions.”

Mox thought a minute. “Too bold maybe? And I know you think that way but I don’t see any difference between us. You’re not a young lion anymore. You’re just my friend.” His face wrinkled. “Well. I don’t know if we’re friends, or . . . or what but . . .” He looked off to the side, arranging his words. “Don’t ever be afraid with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me.”

I nodded seriously. I was always shy compared to him, but if I wanted . . . this, he was right that I would have to be open with him. There was something a little less serious I wanted to ask though. “You said, that time when you called me at the grocery, I had good hair for holding on to during a kiss. Do I?”

Mox grinned in the mischievous way I knew so well. “I dunno. Kiss me again.”

I giggled and pushed him back down onto the bed, a little rougher this time, like when we’d play fight after training. His hands went to my hair right away, pulling me down to him. I kissed him hard, sucking on his lips, pushing my tongue between them. I couldn’t taste just a little bit of Mox, I wanted more. More than I’d ever let myself want before. It felt like I was losing control to some part of me I had long ignored. I shifted so that my legs were on either side of him, laying on top of him so I could kiss him more easily, feeling the heat of his bare chest against me. One of his hands was still in my hair, yanking it every time I licked into his mouth. It hurt, but it only made me hungrier. The other hand was running down my spine, tickling me through my shirt, resting for a moment at the small of my back and then- ohhhh . . . I couldn’t help but arch into the hand squeezing my ass, couldn’t help but moan into his mouth.

But as soon as I did he tugged hard on my hair, pulling me off of him. For a split second the reminder of his strength scared me. Then the look on his face scared me more. The same look from when he kissed me on the playground. “We can’t do this.” He sounded as if he was waking up from the trance of lust we’d both so easily fallen into, and I felt myself coming out of it a bit too.

But what did he mean by “this”? That we couldn’t make out in his bed? That we couldn’t be together at all? My mind took a moment to catch up with its own questions. I was actually in Jon Moxley’s hotel room, in bed together, making out. But that realization was soon overshadowed by the fear of him rejecting me once again, of this night being for nothing, of going back to avoiding each other while being able to think of nothing but each other. “We can’t not do this. I can’t forget you. I can’t pretend I don’t . . . feel this.”

The aching look on Moxley’s face was more emotion than I had ever seen him express. “I’m just gonna hurt you,” he murmured. 

I sat up again and took a not-so-wild guess at why he thought that. “It won’t be like before. I’m not Seth or Roman. I’m your Shooter.” It felt like crossing a line to say their names, but it was a line that I knew I’d have to cross before this relationship could get anywhere.

Moxley closed his eyes, laid his head back, and sighed. “You’re not gonna like this but . . .” When he opened his eyes they were as cold as if he was addressing a rival. “I know I’m gonna ruin it. I know who I am. I don’t get along with people. I fight. I mess things up. I hold people back.” He closed his eyes again. I could hear the reason in his voice: he couldn’t keep up that emotionless stare. “I don’t want to break your heart.”

“If you don’t let me be with you, you will break my heart!” I knew I sounded desperate, but just minutes ago he’d told me to kiss him and now he said we couldn’t be together. He just rolled to face away from me. “You want to be together too!” I practically climbed over him, trying to look him in the eye again. “You said so!”

“Yeah well, there are plenty of things I’ve wanted and haven’t got.” He rolled over again, shoving his face into the pillow.

“I know why you won’t look at me. You don’t want to see that you’re hurting me,” I accused.

“Maybe you’re right but if you don’t leave now I’m gonna hurt you worse later. So get out!” he yelled into the pillow.

“You’re angry because it’s the easiest emotion.” This was less of an accusation, more of a prodding. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of anger too. I just needed to show him the mistake he was making. I needed to figure out what he was really thinking. “Tell me why you needed to become a new person.” Mox was silent so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer but eventually I heard some noises. “Mox I can’t understand. Please stop talking in the pillow.”

He rolled onto his back with a weak smile. “Sorry about that. I said . . .” I watched him struggle a second time with making the decision to tell me, licking his lips as if he was going to speak and then backing out. “I needed to do what I was good at. Hurting people.”

“Mox . . .” I put my hand on his, remembering the ways he had touched me earlier that night. Gently and then desirously but never hurting me. 

“Oi, don’t get all soft on me! Remember how we met? I beat you up.”

“Yeah but that was a match! And then you took care of me after!”

He plowed on, apparently not wanting to stop talking now that he had brung himself to start. “I know I ended on good terms with Seth and Roman, but I’m never going through that again. I fixed my mistakes and I don’t plan on making any more. I’ve learned I’m not cut out for- ” He paused, as if catching himself. “For relationships.”

So he was just afraid of failing. It was that simple. “You can’t never make mistakes. When you make mistakes . . . we’ll fix them together. That’s what you do with people you . . . have feelings for. I want to help you become a new person. A person who’s cut out for this.” For this. What was this? I knew what word he’d been avoiding. I was avoiding it too. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’re overestimating yourself.”

“Mox, you taught me a lot since I met you. How to be confident, how to take risks, how to be loyal. I can teach you too. Don’t give up on love.”

“Shota, how are you gonna teach me how to love. Have you ever even dated before.” I could tell he was teasing me from his smile, but his tone of voice was still serious. But maybe a little teasing meant he was coming around?

“Of course I have! And some people have a unique talent even without practicing,” I joked.

“Really, Shota.” There was no teasing this time. 

“Mox, you have to try. You can’t live your whole life pretending not to love anyone. How long could you stand seeing me at work every day and loving me and having to pretend you don’t? I couldn’t stand that.”

His eyes went out of focus for a minute, looking inside himself instead of at me. “No . . .” There was a beat as his hand under mine turned over to hold it and then I felt his gaze come back. “So what’s the first lesson then?” 

I couldn’t help but grin stupidly “Does that mean you’ll be with me?”

“I plan on studying very hard.” 

I laughed in relief. “It’s really late and I haven’t slept at all. We should probably study some sleepy cuddling.”

“People are gonna wonder why you’re sleeping in my room.” That teasing smile again.

I gave him a smile of my own. “Well you can tell them . . .” My smile faltered as I realized I didn’t have the words to finish the sentence. “Wait what are we going to call us?”

“I’ll tell them you’re my boyfriend. Now I think I’m supposed to be having a sleepy cuddling lesson.” I laid down next to him, and he moved to hold me right away. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in Moxley’s arms. My boyfriend Mox’s arms. Yeah that sounds right.


End file.
